Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I touched a dick in church today
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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