Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
