I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
