so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
