Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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