I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
