Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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