she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
