There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
