she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize