Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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