I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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