it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
