So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
