Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
