It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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