but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
