This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
