Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
