you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize