i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
