I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
