I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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