just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
