so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
