I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She bit a glass in half.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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