note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
