An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
