I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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