Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
