I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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