yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
