Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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