Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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