i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
