GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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