my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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