So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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