Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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