fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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