OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
