When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
