I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
