I'm lost and stupid without you.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
