I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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