I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
