If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what day is it and did you see me today?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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