By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
