Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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