We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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