Whod you bang
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
