In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
