How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
