he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
