I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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