I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
