Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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