So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
