this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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