just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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