Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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