I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
