i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
