Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
