i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
