the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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