I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
