why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
