Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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